Trauma life

I haven’t written in a while, I know… It isn’t that I haven’t had anything to say, it’s just, I didn’t know how to articulate all the things that have been going through my mind the last several months. I feel some days, as though the veil has been pulled from my eyes and I see so many things about life so much clearer. Although, that doesn’t make the day to day any easier, it has just served to remove my comforting safety blanket from around me. Which, I have always said, give me the truth, even if it hurts— no matter how ugly it is.

This week was a real tear. Our daughter was in the hospital again, first time in quite a while. So, that in itself is quite the victory. But it doesn’t make this week any less painful. We were beginning to see shades of last years misadventure in her health, so I knew it was time to take her in. The trauma life is exhausting. I have spent the better part of my silence with the blog meditating and finding new ways to usher in peace. Because to be honest, the old ways weren’t cutting it. I grew frustrated with muttering scriptures and listening to worship music, when some days I just didn’t believe the words. I’m being utterly honest. There is a brutal truth though, I must say to the power of renewing the mind. I believe it is key. But the well from which that renewal comes from isn’t as small as I once believed it to be.

Trauma, when experienced in life as an extreme series of events begins to mold who you are. I’m not speaking of an isolated event, although those carry their own weight too. But I am addressing here is, one event after another and another, sometimes adding up to years of trauma. Inescapable trauma. As for our household, we take all manner or measures to prevent undue trauma. We foresaw the events that unfolded this last week and fought to prevent them but did not have the “modern medical community’s” cooperation. What we experienced could have been prevented, had they listened and acted.

Trauma can be likened to magnets. When one counterpart moves, the other moves. There is an awareness, that is almost superhuman in place that has to exist as such. Without it, survival is compromised. It is living hyper-attuned. You see, after a series of traumatic events and remaining there (especially because you have to) you cannot go back to who you once were because that person no longer exists. The woman I once knew is long gone. We share memories; some common interests, maybe even music but she is far behind me.

I have spent the past several months rediscovering who I am. What makes me tick. What lights my soul on fire. What ushers in peace. What music do I REALLY like? Wow… I have learned so much about myself! I have learned that meditating before bed really helps me quiet my mind so that I can fall asleep faster. I have discovered that smudging sage before bed helps me to feel like I am in tune with nature— even though we live in a concrete jungle. I love watching tv shows and movies that are historically based, maybe with a little bit of a love story to it. I miss rain, a lot. I love reading, it is quite possibly my favorite leisure activity. I have discovered my strength again. I have learned that I CAN keep my mouth shut when I need to and that I don’t have to let my emotions run me. I have discovered that not all my thoughts are mine but that they are in fact things that people have told me, about me. I have learned that to master your mind, you have to be an observer of your own thoughts, rather than allowing them to just run wild on their own. I have realized that I don’t like being told who to be; how to act, dress, speak, what to believe. Now these things, being told who I am, those things nearly choked the life right out of me. I will never be a list of what to do, how to act, what to say. I was not created to be subservient and mild. I have learned to find my voice again and I am learning how to use it, tactfully.

Trauma choked me. It choked the uniqueness right out of me. Other people choked it out of me. Religion choked it out of me. It isn’t anyone else’s fault, I must have allowed it to happen at some point. But a few months ago, I had a realization that it was time I took my power back. I have something that doesn’t belong to anyone else but me and that is ME. Though the world around me presses in, beckoning to shape me into who IT wants me to be, I can stand my ground. Though living a trauma life has molded me into someone completely different than who I once was, I have the choice to not allow it to make me a bitter woman. Instead, I will allow it to add to my storehouse of wisdom and skill. Religion will not place its shackles around my wrists, Christ died to set me free and I am dearly loved! No person or establishment will tell me who to be, that is for me to discover.

This is freedom. These are the wide open spaces that all of us so desire. This isn’t, Hey anything goes but this is figuring out who we are in spite of all that we have been through. And we have a choice. Be a better person, a brighter- more forward looking person? Or do we sink into the depths in our pity and woe and remain there? You choose friend, who are you going to be today? The choice is yours.

Be blessed.

Medical carousel, 2nd edition

“Cancer didn’t bring me to my knees, it brought me to my feet.” Michael Douglas

Cancer… What an incredible industry, diving deep into the pockets of many who get this diagnosis dropped on them. Not only does it threaten to steal your life but also your livelihood and everything you have known and loved but also every penny you have. Your life! Your life is perceived to be in jeopardy because of this invisible, faceless monster. Or is it?

I lost my grandpa to the treatment of cancer. Not cancer, the barbaric treatment of it. My other grandpa, one of the most respectable men I have ever known, died of leukemia, among other things that plagued his ever weak immune system. A former class mate, many other friends of friends, spouses of friends, the list goes on. Young or old, the odds are said to be stacked against us.

My husband was diagnosed with cancer in November of 2018. They had already decided he had cancer before he walked out the door the day they did a biopsy. We bit our nails for over a week before they called with results. The worst diagnosis was given, cancer. It isn’t metastasized and it’s considered stage 3. My reaction was, no. Not no because I was in denial but no because I refused to receive his diagnosis. Not in our home. Consultations with radiation therapists and chemo personal and a surgeon followed. We went to see our beloved chiropractor and dropped the bomb on her. She suggested we watch some documentaries, The truth about cancer. So we found them on YouTube and within 20 minutes, we both looked at each other with tears in our eyes, praising God because we found the answer that we were looking for. Alternative treatment. We continued on watching the series and even later ordered it. We both knew the conventional route wasn’t the way to go. Shocking as it is, that it is even still considered medicine, knowing that in the Hippocratic oath, it says to do no harm. Why then is chemo bio-hazardous and it gets injected into the body of a cancer patient? My biggest take away from the Truth about cancer series was when they said; when you have an ant problem in your house, you address the ants. You don’t put napalm on your house to extinguish them. Chemo is like napalm in your body, it wipes out everything!

Our search continued, it had to. We visited a clinic in Tijuana, Mexico, where my husband received better care and treatment for his diagnosis than he did here in the States. The first thing the doctor told him was; cancer does nothing, it just sits there. Either you feed it or your starve it. This was a far cry from the pressure the doctors put on us to get in for chemo; surgery and radiation. We have come to the realization that my husband has had cancer for years. A growth the size he had does not develop over night. His body just reached a tipping point where he went into acidosis. We found another Doctor here in the states who speaks on some incredibly revolutionary stuff! Lymphatic fluid and how it is the garbage removal system of the body. How often do you hear conventional doctors talk about lymph and the movement of it and how vital it is to your health? Not at all.

When you go to the doctor, they typically take your blood. Yes, there are many tests with blood that can be revealing. But do you want to know what is scary? My husband had blood work done with his regular practitioner, the doctor called him to go over his results. The doctor said, your blood work looks fantastic, I give you an A+. Here’s the scary part, that phone call was less than a week before his biopsy results came back. There was no sign of this so called cancer in his blood work! I am not trying to scare you my friends, I am simply trying to convey to you how important it is to educate yourselves! They don’t call medicine, “practicing medicine” for nothing. It is not an exact science. It is not a cure all. And there certainly is zero preventative medicine that is taught that is effective. This is one rabbit hole that you want to travel down, without going here, that 1 in 2 people statistic may be you or someone you love.

So, now you’re wondering, what am I supposed to do? Where do I begin? How do I prevent this from happening to myself or a loved one? Research. The real information isn’t on well trod paths. It is hidden.

“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.” Proverbs 25:2

Papa left us the answers. He foresaw “cancer.” He had everything prepared for the people who would search out a matter. It isn’t chemo or radiation or surgery (in most cases) He left us with all the seed bearing plants that grow from the ground. I’m going to speak more about our species specific diet at another point because this post would be much, much too long if I included it here. But there were some very specific reasons He told us what to eat. It wasn’t because He’s a mean Dad that doesn’t want us to have any fun and enjoy what we are eating. It is because diving outside of our diet, our specific diet, has rocketed us into a world of medical issues that are too many to name. Man’s solution has been cutting the problem out through surgery, medicating us with prescription pills that eliminate the symptom but never (EVER) address the root cause or using napalm. None of these 3 are an appropriate solution. Sadly, symptoms are our check engine light, without them, we wouldn’t know anything is wrong. If you cut the wires for that light and keep on driving (which is what prescriptions or surgery does) one day the car is just going to quit on you and unfortunately, so will your body. Always address the root of the problem, not the symptom.

There is a way to restore the body, by using it’s built in immune system, which is the way to recover and protect yourself from everything. Not shots, nor pills or surgery or napalm. Your immune system. Give your body what it needs and was built for and watch it glorify God because of what He designed it to do. We were designed by the greatest designer there ever was and is, Papa. I am just so impressed by Him, I truly am.

Here is a list below of some things you can read/watch/follow to get you started. Don’t be afraid. Cancer doesn’t have to be a death sentence. A quick word about my husband, zero conventional treatment, not even the surgery that they said he absolutely needed. At his last scans, the imaging revealed that his tumor had shrunk. I promise I won’t send you anywhere that will tell you to stand on your head and drink pickle juice to get rid of your cancer. The list I will include will both educate and empower you. My husband and I have become sponges, sucking up every bit of truth so we can put it into practice in our home and also share with it other bewildered people who have had this diagnosis laid on them. God bless every single one of you!

Documentaries: Fed up; What the Health, Forks over knives, Bought, The truth about cancer, Fat Sick and nearly dead. I posted the movie trailers for those that weren’t available on YouTube, Most of these are available on Prime or Netflix.

Dr. Robert Morse. www.rawfigs.com